“And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought” – Shakespeare
Try the following:
Read the words highlighted below slowly
Irresolute Vacillating Wavering Hesitant Uncertain Unsure
Faltering Dithering Inconclusive Wooly Unclear Imprecise Wishy-washy Unsteady Cowardly Procrastinating Uncommitted Undecided Doubtful
Now associate the words with situations where you were exposed to this type of behavior from other people…..
Which impact did this have on you….?
Now read the words again of remind yourself of times when you behaved this way. How were you feeling at the time and what outcome did it create?
I have had the uncomfortable experience today of having acted in a way described by several of these words – which is normally not like me. I set myself up to be in this no man’s land, because my heart have wanted something, but I have not aligned with the other people involved and have not had the chance to communicate and get them onboard with my idea.
I think indecisiveness creates a vacuum leading to disconnect with oneself and others. It is unproductive and can be energy draining. Do you agree?
There are so many things we want to do and need to do, and. It is easy to get swept away by the whirlwind of everything that is going on around us.
During those days where I wake up in the morning with an agenda that goes back to back until I fall asleep, I find it difficult to keep my calm and inner peace.
This is exactly how I felt when I woke up this morning.
In the last couple of weeks my life has been too intense.
Now I want to get back to spending my days in a way, which I know supports my wellbeing. I want to plan my days better. I want to carve out alone time. I want time to meditate and re-connect with myself to be more centered, creative, feel my best and be able to give more focused and positive energy.
We do not only have a responsibility towards our own health and wellbeing to strive for life balance. It is also key in order to be able to be a pleasant, positive and generous person to be around.
I assume that you enjoy feeling positive and happy as much as I do. However, we all are unhappy and have negative emotions at times. When this happen, we may feel our energy plummet and experience heaviness in heart and body, and have difficulty finding good reasons to smile.
There are many reasons for negative or unhappy emotions. Perhaps we have had plans and expectations that we did not meet. Or we felt unappreciated or ignored. We may have felt judged or criticized, picked on, or laughed at. We may have felt lonely, been sick, felt pain, missed our train, or lost something. Or we have spent time with people we have had difficulty connecting with. Whatever the reason, the feelings and emotions that we are experiencing are real. And when those emotions are present, we sense that our energy is off.
Our emotions exist to guide and inform us. They are trying to get our attention and tell us something about our preferences, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and values.
If we ignore our feelings, we can end up having a bit of an emotional yoyo life.
However, if we listen, they can add learning, healing and more meaning to our lives.
Many of us attempt to get rid of negative emotions by shaking them off and distracting ourselves, rather than listening to the messages. Perhaps we get busy watching TV or a film, or by eating something, drinking alcohol, or even picking someone to get into a fight with.
Sometimes we succeed in feeling better by distracting ourselves, but often the same emotion comes back to visit us…
I have learned that the best way out of the grip/imprisonment of an emotion is to dive into it; feel it fully, and even name it. The emotion is saying, “see me, feel me, hear me”! If we soften and allow the feeling to be present, without trying to run away from it, and ‘name’ it, by saying “I feel sad” or “I feel disappointed, etc., we give ourselves a gift of acceptance and the emotion often lose its grip on us.
However, if it is a repetitive feeling that does not want to leave us, it might have a deeper message. Then we can ask the feeling to speak to us. What does it need from us? Perhaps it is something we should stop, start or change in our lives….
When we honor our promises towards ourselves and other people.
When we are responsive and communicative towards others.
When we are respectful and kind and treat others the same way we want to be treated.
When we engage in what we know to be ‘good’ behaviour…
All these positive actions will contribute to a good conscience.
A good conscience gives a sense of inner peace, satisfaction and wellbeing. It helps us to sleep well at night. Good conscience helps us build strong relationships. And it impacts how much flow, energy, goodwill and abundance we experience in our lives.
How do we succeed to live with good conscience…?
Our inner intuition and guidance will tell us when we are not doing what we believe to be our best behaviour. We know right from wrong. We feel the difference if we pay attention. When we make good decisions we feel light, when we make selfish or bad ones, we feel heavy. Check in with your heart and body next time you are faced with making a choice.
So, if we all carry an inner guidance of what it takes to live with good conscience – why do we make choices that bring good conscience all the time?
There are a few reasons according to my experience. One is that we fool ourselves by thinking that we can get away with ‘bad’ behaviour. But we don’t get way with it; ‘bad’ behaviour will always backfire.
-Richard Bach, the author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull claims that, “your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness.” He encourages us to “listen to it carefully.”
Another reason we stumble and make poor choices, is that sometimes we let our talents carry us away. Our strengths can turn to be our greatest weakness, if we do not pay attention.
For example, I am very enthusiastic about connecting with people and living life fully. My enthusiasm and energy draw people into my life, however, because I do so many things, I do not always have the time and capacity to follow up with everyone that I engage with. I love to contribute to the wellbeing and joy of other people and not to their disappointments – but sometimes I regretfully do – and end up with a bad conscience.
So – I need to be more careful, create less promises and expectations, and/or organise myself better.
The more aware we are of our values, the better we become at choosing, prioritizing and designing our lives based on them.
When we get clear about our top values and their importance for our lives and wellbeing, we have the opportunity to live by them.
To those of us having difficulties making decisions, perhaps Roy Disney (Walt Disney’s Elder brother and the financier of his efforts inspire) words can inspire, “it is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.”
Have you heard about the difference between corporate values and corporate bullshit? Corporate bullshit is what the organization says they value. How they actually operate, is what they truly value. We can make the same comparison when it comes to ourselves. If we do not live by our values, they are simply empty words.
What are your top values? Not the ones that sounds good to have – but the ones that truly signify you?
What I have come to notice is that when we cannot name our top values and communicate these clearly, it is easy to get emotional (angry, sad etc.) when those same values are breached. When we stand true to our values, we can teach people close to us about their importance to us, and we are often met with more understanding and support.
One of my most important values is adventure. When I have a chance to bring in adventure into my life, I find myself truly stimulated and energized. That is what values do to us when we honor them.
If we don’t live by our values, we are not living in congruence with who we are and that can lead us to feeling a bit flat or numb.
Because I value adventure, I often throw myself into new things. Every adventure looks different. I welcome the journey of all types of adventure. Sometimes my adventures are easy and pleasurable, and other times challenging, tough and hard. I don’t rate my adventures as good or bad, as every adventure is different and most of them give me a thrill no matter what. I get a kick out of finding my way, and being on small or big excursions.
For example, last week one day late afternoon, I adventured out to find a new cross-country skiing track in for me a new region of the Alps. It felt exciting to explore and find it. It was a bit challenging to locate the cross-country tracks, as there were no clear signs. It was also snowing heavily, which did not help. But I finally arrived and even though it was crazy late – I put my skis on at 17.20…. I got to ski 10k and found myself loving discovering these new woods. There was not a soul out there but me. I was enveloped by the heavy snowfall and gorgeous snow covered trees. The sun was setting while I was out skiing but I made it back to my car just before it turned completely dark. When I got in the car and headed for a dinner with friends I was feeling happy, nurtured and alive.