Today I spoke to a woman, let me call her Lisa for the purpose of this story, whose partner had just left her. I asked about how she felt and how it was now living alone. She replied this was not the first time a man had left her, and now she was fed up with men and had decided to be happy being without a man and focus on her work and herself.
Hum… In my mind I felt sorry for her for having had such a bad experience with men. I believe that we are not wired to live alone and that she most likely will not be happy in the long term being on her own.
Lisa and I ended up having a long conversation, where I learned a lot about her personality. She also learned about herself from the realizations that she made while sharing her story with me. At the beginning of our conversation she told me she did not understand why he left. Our meeting opened her up to understand why her partner, as well as her ex-husband, ‘probably’ had left her.
Let me share a little bit about Lisa’s personality and story.
Lisa is a hard working woman. She runs her own business and actively grows it, and loves the work she does. Lisa hardly ever takes brakes. When she comes home after a long day at work, she often does grocery shopping and errands. After this she starts all the necessary work at home – and the list is long….; she makes dinner, cleans up, does the laundry, irons, cleans the apartment – until finally she almost collapses and head for bed. And so it goes, day after day.
I was wondering how much time and energy she has had for her partner? “Well, not much”, she said, “because he did not help me and just watched TV or sat with the computer, which I thought was so unfair and since I did not receive any help from him I became angry with him.” Lisa felt that she was serving her partner and that he was lazy and unhelpful. She had had a similar story with her ex-husband.
How often did you have sex, I asked? I got the same answer, “Not much. I was either too tired, or had no desire.”
Regretfully too many people recognize themselves in Lisa’s story.
It is quite interesting that we actually believe and think we can have a rewarding relationship if we are constantly busy. It is also interesting that one person in the relationship, and often the woman, accepts to do all the household chores with joy at first, and then end up bitter and complaining about it.
What are the solutions, what more is possible in our relationships?
Tomorrow I would like to explore ways to a rewarding relationship with our spouse or partner; where we share positive energy.