ANINERGY

365 ways to energize – a daily companion to living with health, purpose, and joy


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The weight of your thoughts

DAy 146One day quite soon, I believe that we will be able to measure the weight of our thoughts; the things we talk about and the impact it has on us.

Science is great at measuring the impact of unhealthy living habits, such as stress, eating unhealthy processed food, too much sugar, hydrogenic oils, smoking, drinking too much alcohol etc., but to my knowledge the impact of our thoughts and chosen words and it’s impact on our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing, has not yet been measured scientifically. I think that when scientific studies get publicized around this topic, then humanity will have a chance to make a leap in consciousness and human potential.

If people only knew how negative thinking, moaning and groaning and negative talk impact their energy and wellbeing, they would get scared, and begin to rethink and more carefully chose what thoughts and subjects that dwell in their mind.

I am convinced that negative thinking is as deadly for us as negative physical living habits. This could be negative thoughts about ourselves, our life situation, or about someone else.

Pay attention to your energy level next time you have a negative thought! Notice how light versus heavy you feel. Notice how powerful versus powerless you feel. Notice how happy and peaceful you feel as you are thinking those negative thoughts.

Heighten your awareness also around the things that you talk about with others, either directly to them or about others behind their backs. How light or heavy do your body and mind feel while and after having been critical and negative?


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Day 144 – Are you a bitch…, or know someone who is…?

Hi! I am Anine and I love to optimize my energy and support you in optimizing yours.

Day 144What is the single most unattractive and demoralizing, anti-kind act we woman can engage in; and which also impacts marriages negatively?

I think most men will say – being bitchy.

Girls can at a young age, even as early as 10 years old become sassy and snazzy, to a degree that can feel very hurtful to others. Some girls can be vicious towards girls and boys that are sensitive and not strong enough to stand up for themselves.

Many girls can be mean, bitchy and competitive towards each other until their forties. By then they may have matured, and feel more secure in themselves and in who they are. And finally by then, they may have made the realization that they gain nothing by being bitchy.

What is it about women that make them seem entitled to be bitchy?

I think that it is partly related to how some women’s mind work when they are not aware of insecure emotions and are unable to articulate feelings and desires. Perhaps women’s innate reaction is to become bitchy when men instead act aggressive.

So how does this bitching come about in little girls? I think it is partly genetic and it begins when girls begin to realize that they are in competition to “win” boys. This is an unconscious realization, as strange as it may sound to realize something and yet be unconscious. Even though they might not even “win” the boys, they still behave in a bitchy way towards the girls that they perceive as prettier, or more cool than them, as they subconsciously believe that they will feel better and maybe even succeed in deflating the pretty girls. How completely wrong they are!

A girl can maintain her bitchiness, even if they win the boy/man, and turn the same energy towards him, perhaps subconsciously saying that he should not take her for granted – because “this queen bitch” might very well find another man. Being bitchy is a an unwritten entitlement women give themselves as a way to control people around them, making sure others are not feeling too strong about themselves and thereby not posing a threat.

Not all girls behave like this of course. Not the ones that have healthy role models and those that receive feedback from their environment that it is unacceptable and that they will lose with this type of behavior.

This character trait of being bitchy is something most men detest and are allergic to in women. In a man’s world, you just don’t sneer at someone and put them down for no good reason. Men do not scan each other’s outfits and look with critical eyes – they do not look up and down at their friends and evaluate how they are dressed, how much makeup they have on or how their hair is done. Men are buddies and they focus on having fun, playing and talking sports, joking, developing themselves and generally supporting one another, rather than being in competition.

Many women complain about their men, and it can go something like this: They are difficult to talk to. They are poor listeners. They are simple and not very deep (and therefore uninteresting). They think too highly of themselves. They are unwilling to do any form of work on themselves and grow emotionally. They are egocentric and think they should be exempt from sharing the work at home with children and all, and they behave like they are entitled to have more free time than their wife/partner.

Men have often one major complaint about women and that is that their woman can be bitchy.

Girls got plenty to learn from men. Imagine what women lose by acting this way, and how many people who have been negatively impacted because of bitching?


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The magic formula to reduce conflicts with your partner

DAy 143Have you ever been in a long heated discussion with your spouse?

Sometimes this can last for a full day or more, and none of the two can get out of their fighting positions?

How do you get to peace, without hiding the issue under the carpet and pretending that nothing happened, and learn from the heated discussion, so it has not been a waste of energy?

During the day after the fight, both partners can have distance and perspective and see what was so sensitive from both sides. It is worth to take the time to discuss and learn. Then we are able to articulate calmly what we want from one another in the future, to avoid similar conflicts. We can set a follow up plan, where we will check in once a week to track our progress and give each other uplifting affirmations when we show that we have made improvements in our habits. If we slip, we can talk about it, and give feedback and assistance to see what else is needed in order to achieve the needed and agreed changes.

Most couples have “hot issues”, that will be triggered from time to time and cause continuous conflict if we do not talk about these thoroughly. For each time the issue is triggered, it will feel increasingly energy draining. After many years of struggling with the same issues, our body can revolt to a degree so that it feels almost an allergic like reaction. When our body speaks to us so strongly, it is a clear sign that we have to address the issue; otherwise it can even impact our health.

It is very effective to be in movement when we discuss an issue that is sensitive. Conflicts carry with them pretty heavy energy. It is easy to get stuck in destructive arguments of anger, which brings no resolution but further distance and low energy. To be in movement while talking with the aim to understand and be understood, frees the body and mind. Take a walk next time you have an important and possibly hot issue to discuss with your spouse.

My husband and I try making sure that when one person speaks, the other does not cut in before the point is finished. We have found this to be crucial to avoid escalating arguments. To be heard and understood relaxes our bodies and open our hearts and allow for re-connection and closeness.

Healthy marriages without any conflicts are rare. Experiencing conflicts from time to time are part of most intimate relationships. In order to be intimate we need to speak our mind. Sometimes when we do, it can lead to conflict, unless both individuals are good at listening, understanding, and negotiating calmly.

Most of us carry with us some sort of “baggage” from our upbringing as we enter a marriage or partnership. Some carry small, others carry big loads, from our childhood. We are often blind to see our own dysfunctional patterns, habits, and other peculiarities, because we have most likely been living under circumstances during our upbringing that brought about these habits and tendencies and we consider them normal.

Being in a good and constructive relationship where we help one another to grow can be the most effective way to heal our childhood wounds and stop unhealthy habits and patterns. If we look at conflicts this way, as an opportunity to grow, we might become less conflict averse and take the time to do the work of listening and speaking and arriving to a resolution – “to a peace with progress”.