When I first learned about the cause and effect of what Echart Tolle define as our emotional “painbody” – which is “an energy entity consisting of old emotion” it was a huge revelation to me. Finally – someone explained why people get into a bad mood, and also why we often pick a fight to pull others with us into our misery.
Echart Tolle explains, that since it feels lonely to be in a bad mood when others seem to be happy – we try to share the pain we are in, by making the life of those around us miserable as well. When we succeed in getting others pulled into our drama, it may feel better; and we can justify and sometimes even blame our own bad mood on the other people.
The favorite people to dump our negative emotions on are our own family members, and especially our partner. We know them well and how to trigger and pull them into our drama. It is no wonder then why many couples struggle to live with connection and love.
According to Tolle, we all have an emotional painbody – for some it is heavier, due to childhood pain. He says that we will continue to go in and out of our emotional painbody, unless we begin to catch ourselves and stay present with our own emotions.
Negative thoughts are amongst our greatest energy thieves! If we develop awareness and take personal responsibility for our thoughts and pain, and try to understand where they are coming from – we can feel happy and at peace with ourselves and with our loved ones.
When we develop our awareness, we can look at ourselves from the outside in. This space of awareness – creates a moment where we can choose to stop our automatic response. Take care of our needs and not dwell on negative thoughts.
Stephen Covey reminds us that, “Every human has four endowments – self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom…The power to choose, to respond, to change.”
By developing our consciousness, we can also recognize when our partner and family members enter their emotional pain body. If we are alert and know that they are looking to perhaps to pull us into their drama, we can succeed in staying out of it.