365 ways to energize – a daily companion to living with health, purpose, and joy

The pain of wanting people to be different – than who they really are.


Day 41Most of us get triggered by the behaviour of other people; sometimes by those who are closest to us – sometimes by total strangers.

You might for example wonder or question; ‘how could my children turn out so different from me?’ And ‘why can’t my spouse get it?’

How many times have you worked yourself up in agony, pain, stress, frustration, despair, sadness and anger over how other people live and do things?

Just thinking about it can make you feel exhausted.

There is hardly anything more energy draining than wanting people to be different than who they are.

People have their habits – which may seem inefficient, unhealthy and sometimes appalling to you.

But we are all so different, even each one of our children.

We want for them to ‘just get it.’ That their lives would be so much better if they would understand what we already know.

I’m sorry for bringing it up…

..but the sad truth is that people rarely change. I’m sure you have heard it before but still it is so hard to accept – isn’t it?!

People might change – but in their own time – and when they see that it is necessary and when they really want to.

It can take years, and even decades, before people wake up to see that their life really is easier, or better, by ‘doing things the way you have always told them.’

It doesn’t matter how much we try to reach and teach people who don’t want to listen – we mostly lose.

We lose energy by suffering from trying hard to make others wake up; whether it is our spouse, a parent, a child, siblings, good friends or strangers.

When need to remind ourselves that everyone has different preferences, values, worldviews and individual journeys. That we all need to figure things out – our way.

Letting go of wanting to change people doesn’t mean we can’t speak about the things that are important to us. It only means that we are not attached to the need to change people in order to be happy, content, peaceful etc.

Knowing that we cannot force change on people – no matter our efforts – what can we then do?

We can change our attitude towards people and have more compassion for where they are on their path. We can remind ourselves that we also have come to realizations with time. Imagine that you had known what you know today ten years ago? It is very easy to forget that we have grown and made realizations that today seem so obvious, but they were not evident ten years ago.

If we make a conscious decision to no longer suffer over other people’s behaviors and habits – and instead focus our efforts on things that we can do, and can change, we will feel empowered and energized.

Imagine what your life would look like, if you completely let go of wanting to change other people? If you instead focused your energy on things that you long to do, the things that brings you happiness and peace?

“The happiest people I know are always evaluating and improving themselves. The unhappy people are usually evaluating and judging others.” Lisa Villa Prosen

2 thoughts on “The pain of wanting people to be different – than who they really are.

  1. Bravo Anine – one of your best so far!


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